My thoughts

So amidst all the crap that’s going on with trying to get clean, there is still positive. My thoughts during the day, when I get home, laying down going to bed, are of you guys. I think about you three all the time. I LOVE when you send me pictures of my babies, it is literally the highlight of my day, I save every single one. It just makes me smile, makes me think about the moment captured, and a lot of times does make me miss you guys, and wish I was there with you. Also, just texting you throughout the day, it is usually what gets me through a long day at work. You always make me laugh, I can always be silly or creepy 😉 to ya and you take it in stride haha. The worst part is definitely knowing I don’t get to come home to you guys, and play, snuggle, just do whatever. But you know, I am content. I realize that I basically have nothing but problems to offer you right now, and it’s just not time… So for now, I am happy. You three have just become my world, I want to only do things that make you guys feel happy, loved, beautiful, and appreciated. I know this might sound weird, but I have been thinking about it constantly and need to get it off my chest. The thought of it makes me nervous as hell. But I have this vision, of when I am actually clean, and off this crap, and have some kind of tangible evidence I am trying to change. My dream, is to ask you face to face on basically a “first date.” It gives me goosebumps just thinking about that moment, I am going to be patient, and not allow myself to ask until I am in a better place. But ah, I can’t wait. But at the same time, it really does make me SO nervous, because I know there is a high chance you will say no. And I already know what I want to do too, and it’s totally the perfect cheesy first date 🙂 but i know with you, it would be the most amazing fun time 🙂 anyway, that’s about it for tonight. I’m going to bed!

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