I always used to play around with men, testing how far I can go with them, proving to myself I could get anything if I wanted to. The Knight knew about this and called me a manipulative bitch about it, but he did so with a smile on his face and pity for my victims in his eyes.
It was more than just getting my car’s lightbulb changed for free or talking myself out of a ticket. From time to time I used to pick someone I decided I would make fall for me. Game was over the moment he did so. Afterwards I would let him down gently, if possible arranging it in a way to make him believe that I would like to be with him as well but outer circumstances forbade it. That way, he had his own little sad romance story to look back on.
I knew my boundaries. Never did I pick men that were taken. I never kissed any of them or had any physical contact beyond hugging – I generally hug and touch my friends a lot. I never lied about having a boyfriend, just purposefully kept quiet about it as long as no one asked.
It is still a bad thing to do and I couldn’t explain to you why I kept doing it. I’ve caused one or two drunken breakdowns, more broken hearts, but also found some friends I am still in contact with. I value my trophies.
As a child I spent hours on the hill next to our house, preying on butterflies, catching them in my net, being careful not to hurt them and then just let them fly away. It was just the same game really. Until one day, when there came a butterfly I didn’t want to let go. He swept me away with him.