Who knows how i feel

School’s back. I hate most of my classes, but I have a good friend of mine in 2 of them. It just so happens that I’ve liked this particular friend since his first day on the bus when we bet on if he was a guy or a girl: all we saw was his long shiny hair…

Anyway, my life seems to be so boring. I don’t really talk to anyone except him, I’ll call him JES since i won’t reveal his name. JES lets me go over to his house about once a month, and we talk in Economics and Trig and sometimes on the bus, but that’s about it. I don’t really have anyone else to talk to.

At church I’m getting guitar lessons from our new worship leader, and then I’m going to show JES a few things if he doesnt already know it all. He plays guitar too. I really like JES but he doesn’t like me. last year i was his stalker, and it was awkward between us, but over the summer it became less awkward and we’re actually friends now. He knows I like him, but he says he hasnt found the right one to be his first girlfriend yet. Ya, hes 17, always been single and still a virgin. Has really good morals and life values and everything. that’s why i like him: he’s like me. I broke up with my past 2 boyfriends because I just didn’t feel happy talking with them and hanging out with them the way I do with JES. JES is the one I think about and dream about and talk and write about. I can’t get away from him. I tried shutting him out of my life, telling myself he’s just another guy who will leave me behind, but part of me, most of me, ignores that doubt because of how much i care about him and how me makes me feel. I don’t know what to do. We’ve grown closer as friends, I feel, but I don’t know how to keep it growing. I don’t know how to not annoy him: i tend to poke him when i get bored, which is quite often. How do I keep my mind off him when there’s nothing for me to do?

I know I’m only 16.5, and I have time, but that doesnt mean I can’t do something now, to help keep this friendship, and strenghthen it before he graduates in May. I don’t know when he’ll move to Oklahoma for college, but I want to know that we’re going to survive when he does…

Leave a Reply