I’m listening to Mariah Carey “Daydream” – it feels happy and light and in love. I haven’t written in a long time. I did get to write a manual/user how-to guide, which will be distributed to a bunch of people in the area.
Things have felt lighter than they did. I’m enjoying the work I’m doing spiritually and personally. It feels like I’m putting together a stronger foundation on which to live my life and move toward the things I want for myself. It seems like there is an affirmation or confirmation that is being provided. There is a tension that is hard to shake sometimes, and I feel fragile, but maybe that’s just a form of fear.
Life is good. Things seem to be coming out of thin air – I’m excited, but I’m not sure why. It is like shaking off an old skin.
It has felt like the first day of school lately. The air in the morning is cool and smells clean or renewed. There was a moon that was significant recently. Maybe that has something to do with it. I have found myself to be more emotional than I used to be – I think I’m having things be dug up and I end up feeling like I am stuck or unable to move forward.
I am feeling strong and able right now. I was feeling like I was getting backed into a corner about this time a couple months ago. But now I feel more in control and able. I feel more secure.
My dreams have been strange. I have had deja vu, too. I dreamt that my phone was somehow neglected and the protective glass film on top was cracked and had water underneath it – I found it concerning. Pushing and peeling pieces and pieces. That was it. Such a strange dream.
My deja vu was happening today when I was getting my hair colored. The colorist was telling me things and I already knew what she was going to say and how she was going to say it. There is something familiar about my new hair – it has never been colored before and the cut is a little off. It is the strangest thing – I don’t know if I will ever become familiar with the feeling of deja vu.
I’d like to find someone to help me with my lucid dreams and deja vu. It seems like an advantage or something to master and strengthen. I have no idea what my purpose would be. I’m going with the flow lately and trying to be more open. This has brought me to some strange situations and I’m not sure what I’m doing most of the time, but it seems to be working. I am enjoying the people around me and finding more certainty every day. There is more and more to build, and I’m happy with my learning curve. It seems like things will continue on a good trajectory for the time being. I’m interested in progressing that.
I have some goals to meet. I am empowered to meet those goals. Things are going to change rapidly, I believe. It feels like I’m pushing on a wall trying to find a weak, compromised spot. Once I find that soft spot and exploit it, the whole thing will come down. When I realize it will happen, I’m motivated even more to find the sweet spot. This is where I am exercising my patience more. To be patient with a tension defeats the purpose. True patience is calm and collected. There is an ease. There is no eagerness. When your waiting game ends, you almost don’t care. That is mastery of patience.
Breathing into life through my body has been one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself. It helps me learn to sit quietly and wait patiently. It helps me find serenity. I’m excited. Did I say that already? I want to jump out of my skin sometimes. I can tell I am still sad. I now accept this part of me – I was fighting it and fighting it. It actually feels good to sit with it. My meditation to handle this is to make friends with it and sit with it. Sadness is not so bad when you stop fighting with it. I am happy and joyful plenty. I am ready for more.
It is an interesting concept to me that I can’t own it sometimes. There happen to be a lot of wonderful qualities about myself that I have a hard time owning. I can see how if I own everything about me, good and bad, there is a power that comes with that –
For brunch this week end, I want to wear a super cute outfit. I have an apron that I will wear. Then all black? Cute little tiny shorts? There is time to figure that out.
Feels good to ramble. Thank you.