“hey we gotta talk” – 9:38pm
So it’s been over an hour since I’ve sent my last message. I’m pretty sure you’ve seen it, however there’s no way of really knowing. Knowing you, you’ll either respond at 4am once you’ve gotten stoned enough or you just won’t respond at all. So this is me saying my peace. I never planned to care for you, but boy did I. You are the most confusing, frustrating, most lovable, carefree, criminally insane person that I’ve ever known & these are my favorite things about you. But oh god am I tired. I’m tired of having to be hidden. I’m tired of the mixed signals I’m sent from you. I’m tired of feeling like I’m only good for sex and a semi shoulder to cry on. I get that she hurt you, I do. But that doesn’t mean I will. I get that you are scared to feel or let yourself be felt but baby I want to feel and be felt by you. I get that whole idea of committing yourself to someone you don’t fully love or even love at all scares the shit out of you because believe me I feel the same. I understand that you feel incapable of loving. I get that everyone makes you feel like shit about yourself 24/7 but I refuse to be one of those people. I’m sorry she hurt you, okay. & I’m sorry for everything else but I don’t know what to do at this point. In my opinion, everyone has a person. A person that they can call theirs. Someone who they know will always be there for them. Well you are my person, and I’m afraid I’m not yours and I’m even more afraid that you’ll never let me be. And that kills me. So I guess what I’m trying to say is, I don’t think I can go on like this. Just figure out what you want. & if it’s not me. Give it to me straight. I’m a big girl. I can handle another heartbreak.