Either I’m really charming or people are really stupid. Maybe both. I like getting to know people but it’s hard for me to let them in. Thats why I’ve chosen this journal. I am many peoples best friend… few of them are mine. I can’t change it. When I have feelings I can only write them. If try to say them I lose my nerve and lie or fake it. Faking it is my best skill. Guys fall for me easily and I hate it. I know what I am on the inside. I’m also married…faithfully. but my husband isn’t a talker…probably why we are married. He let’s me stay to myself…and it’s not healthy. But even he is fooled by me. I’m pretty sure I have a slightly unhealthy affection for vodka. Both of my parents were alcoholics. I expressed my concerns to my husband. But since I know my limit…only drink before bed..never more than 4 shots…and can still function.. he thinks it’s fine. But there are days I wake up and crave it..I count down the hours til it’s time to drink..to numb my thoughts. That doesn’t sound fine. I hate it…but it keeps me sane. I must have a magnetic shell …but the inside is a disaster. I can straight up tell people that…they think I’m being humble or some shit. Nope just a good poker face.