WIshin and hopin and thinkin and prayin

There are things I want to do and I am not able to figure out what is holding me back from doing them. My default answer to myself is fear, uncertainty, doubt. I used to grapple with this, and I would just move forward. Crazy. Where and how did that get lost? Why haven’t I been able to keep up with it? An old boyfriend told me it is because my problems are bigger than they used to be, they are more consuming.

I am feeling pressure and heartbreak. I have been bottling things up and I’d like to be ready to give that up. I want to be comfortable with my emotions and my feelings. I know I am a sensitive soul – I have been using survival mechanisms to deal. I am ready to give that up, but I’m also very afraid. I don’t know what I’m afraid of, but I do know that it is stopping me in my tracks.

Rejection can be difficult to take. I want to be able to receive a rejection and move forward to the next one. The next yes, that is – to be clear.

I want to start writing a blog for my business. I worry I don’t have the time – and so I don’t try to make the time. I need to get organized. It feels like I’m fighting for time to organize. I keep telling myself if I can just get through this or that, then I can sit down and figure things out. It isn’t happening that way. It used to happen that way, but not anymore. I need to adjust to figure this stuff out – the results I used to get were very rewarding and productive. I want that again. I know I can have it again, but I’m having a hard time finding that path or those set of habits to bring me to the same result.

Maybe my ex was right = things are just heavier than they used to be – there seems to be less opportunity to have help. Seems is the operative word.

I’m scared and I feel alone.

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