Day 1

It’s my first day of college. I woke up this morning with wrinkled sheets and a fallen poster covering me up. My roommate had woken me up, alerting me of some event that us freshman were expected to go to. I simply nodded my head and fell back into a deep sleep. I lied and said it was accidental but I went back to sleep on purpose. I didn’t have the nerve to be around people, to talk to them or more accurately watch them talk to other people. I knew how the day would pan out. My heart would beat like a Jamaican drumline, my tongue would be heavy, and my conversation would be dull. People would laugh and chat and fit themselves into blossoming friendships while I would be on the sidelines, silently urging someone to talk to me, to understand the struggle throughout my body, see all the nervous energy clouding my head. So I woke up an hour later with the room to myself. I washed my faced, brushed my teeth, and spent more time than usual applying makeup. I put on a cute outfit, got my ID and keys and stopped in my tracks. It was if my feet were bolted to the floor. My objective was to explore campus, be a social member of the freshman community. I made it to the hallway but couldn’t muster up the guts to open the door. Cowardly, I went in the bathroom to repurpose the trip from my room. I spent the day watching a movie, listening to music, rearranging my prison cell of a dorm. Soon my roommate returned with generic chitchat, stating she needed a nap before going off to another campus activity. I asked her about last night’s activities and she gushed about how much fun it was. She didn’t get back til 4 in the morning. Whilst I was in our dorm, feigning exhaustion to hide my lameness. I climbed into bed, on my phone. My roommate’s knew friends who were in the dorm across and next to us stopped by and talked with my roomie. We had eye contact but none of them spoke to me, I didn’t speak either, I didn’t want to embarrass myself in front of my roommate and her friends. I feigned sleep as they walked away talking, planning to eat breakfast together. So now I’m typing this, hopefully I can look back on this entry and see a dramatic change in myself but in my heart I’m extremely doubtful. I just wanna run away, escape and feel comfortable. I guess I’ll watch some Netflix, this entry has more than its fair share of words. Laters.


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