I never thought that I would see this through

There is an old building on a main avenue in my city. It is beautiful. It has several floors that now serve as hotel, restaurant, reception, games, roof deck. Each floor and room seem to have their own moods and personalities. Original design holds architectural details and features from various periods of history to the location. The decor was carefully considered and I think about how skilled the people who restored the space must be. They must know their craft.

I appreciated the service provided. I enjoy watching other servers and taking notes.

I was with someone I’m not sure about – I want to be sure about them, but it is not easy. I do not trust him. I am anticipating a repeat of our last time together. I am careful about enjoying myself all the way around him. It worries me that things will get heavy again. When I start going down this path things get weird.

I don’t know what I’m doing and I don’t know what I want to be doing. I don’t say much and I act on feelings and lean into interesting situations. I’m genuinely curious about the person on the other side, but without integrity and intention, it is all pretty shaky. There are walls and scars and healing soft spots on both sides. We can be a little touchy. We might be two farts in a windstorm.

The weather is changing. It is like a second meeting. We met late summer last year. We fell in love when the weather changed and swooned over each other through the New Year. We supported each other through personal challenges in the beginning of the New Year and by spring I think we were burnt out and intimidated. It is late summer. We have reconciled and we fell back into romance quickly without much conversation. We snuggled in a cozy, warm inglenook this evening into the night. We had light fare and a couple drinks and talked and talked and talked. We talked about the restoration of the space, we talked about a well dressed gentleman across our nest, integrity, management of space, played with our fear of heights, and finally rode the bus to our respective homes.

We seem to be going in a fucking circle.

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