Your memory awake

I am often drawled back to thoughts of you. Thinking in my mind what would you have done or said in this situation in my life. But I can’t be you. Still I long to hear your voice tell me what to do or that everything is going to be fine. That we together will get through this. I miss us together… I miss the peace that would settle in a room when you ware in it. I miss your smell…Being held by you … always saying “a little longer then I will let go” I miss having someone there for me, someone who really  understands who I am, and who I am trying to be. God it’s so unfair… I am with anger, I am with hate ,I am with madness, because I can not forget…I want to get over it, but then there is always that part of me that wants to go back to that time.. I often dream I am there with you in that bright warm room, Home, just resting beside you. Your smile, your eyes, you saying something like “Hello” me feeling joy again because I don’t have to say “Goodbye” It’s my fault, I feel that it is. But maybe I just want to have someone to pin this on and I am the only one around. I keep thinking about all the “what if’s” all the things they tell me not to do, I have…so now I’m just feeling as if I will break while still holding your memory awake.

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