re think

I feel that what I posted in my last post was a bit of an over reaction? perhaps I was letting my bad mood get the best of me and perhaps made things seem that everything is so horrible for me when the fact of the matter is, things could be a lot worse! I think unless your on your death bed things can always be worse. Just sometimes you need to feel bad and like things are shitty and or sorry for yourself so you can make things better and see what needs fixing…

I say this time and time again but I wanna fix things and feel like I’m in a better place but I never really do that or I start and end up getting annoyed and thinking “fuck it all” and give up. I feel like I’ve some what wasted this year and most of last just trying to understand what I want… I had hopes that if I knew what I really wanted that everything would fall into the right places and I could do what needed to be done in life to get my dick together! buuuut that’s not working out so well for me.

My anxiety has decided to make itself rather well known again and in all honesty I’m sick of drying to deal with it and be strong and all that bullshit, I just want it to fuck off already! I don’t know how to word this in a way that its understandable… just that its not the anxiety attacks that bother me as much anymore… its the bad moods they put me in and the way they make me treat people around me… just doesn’t seem fair on them but I just don’t know how to suck it up and get past it yet! when I was taking something for it I didn’t feel a change only that I didn’t feel tense and tight all the time, but I was being told that I was being a lot more moody and aggressive so I don’t know what to do?

counter argument is that I’ve been told by someone who’s always honest with me that its all in my head? and I’m the one doing this to myself so I really don’t know what to think now only that I know things will be better and that ive got to stop over thinking every little thing. Another thing that’s easy said than done mostly because that’s who I am I cant help it…

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