unsure

Sir was out of town this past weekend, visiting with his family.  He had a football draft this weekend.  I missed him terribly, which I wrote about in my last entry.

I say this quite often that I wasn’t looking for a serious relationship; however, I am in one and I’m extremely happy and accepting of that fact.

It kind of scares me how much I’m into Sir, and I’ve told him this.  The way I feel for Him is incomparable to the way I’ve felt about anyone else.  Not even my Dad or my ex-husband.  What does that say?  I can see myself with Him for a long time but I don’t know if He feels the same and that’s okay!  One just doesn’t know how much time you have with someone and I want to be selfish and have Him in my life for a long time.  I try not to take the time I have with people for granted, losing my Dad taught me that.

When He got home last night the first thing He said was that He missed seeing my face.  No one has ever said that to me before.  He made me feel so special in that moment.  Like I was the only person who mattered even though it was 12:30am (we try to be up by 5:30am) and He still had stuff to unload from His brother’s car.

Once He was finished we talked for a little bit about our respective weekends.  I was a good girl and sucked His cock for a while, then He fucked me in the bathroom.  I asked to cum twice (maybe 3x, memory a little fuzzy).  He granted permission.  It was exquisite.  For one, I hadn’t came in 5 days-ish.  Which is a while for me.  Also, I’ve been super stressed out about our BB tragedy, so I’ve had a hard time cumming, which is not normal for me at all.  After He fucked me, we sang in the shower.

When we were lying in our bed we talked a little bit.  Kissed a little bit.  Tangled up in each other a little bit.  Then we set our morning alarms and Sir started a playlist, this is not out of the ordinary.  We were cuddling and caressing each other.  The music started with Ben Folds – Brick.  A few songs played and then Rod Stewart came on.  Specifically the song “Have I Told You Lately”.  I don’t think I know anyone who doesn’t know that song; however, we weren’t really singing songs because we are trying to go to bed.  Sir runs his hands over my body and partway through the song He lifts up my chin so that I’m looking at Him and He starts singing to me.

Have I told you lately that I love you?
(In this moment I was completely freaking out!  I thought, actually, no, you’ve never told me that.  Do you?  I’m so confused.  He did ask me how that made me feel and I said it made me feel overwhelmed, which it did.)
Have I told you there’s no one else above you?
(I was thinking, You haven’t actually said it but You accepting my submission exclusively, says something.)
Fill my heart with gladness, take away all my sadness
Ease my troubles, that’s what you do

He’s looking right at me and I’m doing everything in my power to not get emotional.  I didn’t know how to take that and I still don’t.  He sings to me all the time and I absolutely love it, as well as, his impromptu dancing.  (He seriously is so perfect.  I wish I could share it with the world!)  He sings most of the songs that come on that He knows but there is (in my eyes): Him ‘singing to me’ and then there is Him ‘singing’.  The songs He ‘sings to me’ always seem to have a similar theme.  That I’m a highly valued person in His life.  I would say that means something but I should uses my words and just ask Him.  He sings this song by Joshua Radin – “I’d Rather be with You” and it gives me hope for the future but confuses me as well.

This whole Rod Stewart song and Him actually having me look at Him.  I don’t know how to take that.  I’m afraid to ask.  Saying I love you is a sensitive thing.  If one person feels that way and the other doesn’t it can be detrimental.  I really enjoy the relationship that we have right now.  I know He cares about me but I can’t gauge Him sometimes.  He treats me better than anyone has ever treated me, in my whole life.  (This saddens me because he’s taught me to realize that I’ve always been worthy of being treated the way he treats me, I just didn’t know it myself.)  He makes me so happy just being around him.  His actions and words towards me show me that He cares about me and I’m very grateful that He does.  He’s such an amazing, caring, beautiful-hearted person.  I’m so thankful we met.

He doesn’t like people and I really don’t either but I believe that deep down we are just trying to be the people we want to see in the world (kind, open-minded, friendly, smart and healthy people) and I think that is important.

This probably hasn’t even crossed his mind and I’m probably overthinking this and He was just singing me the song that was on the radio.

Just ask Him!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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