While I’m Still Here

Yesterday I found out the world was ending

A little more
Every day
Falls apart and
Slips away, well
I don’t mind
I’m okay
Wish it didn’t
Have to end this way

I guess I should start out with a little about myself. I will not name myself, but you will probably assume it in time. I’m an 18 year old female at an alternative school in the middle of Georgia. I was supposed to graduate in May, but i’m still stuck here. It sucks so much because I know that I’m smarter than this. My friends somehow pushed themselves through high school, but i’m too depressed to even wake up in the mornings. I’m disappointed in myself, but also jealous. They’re always having more fun than me.

I have to take 4 pills to get me through the day. I’ve been diagnosed with debilitating anxiety and addictive personality disorder. My medication helps me think normally instead of self-loathing, but sometimes my unmedicated brain kicks in and tells myself that I’m better off dead, that it’s not okay to forget my problems by using drugs and weed, and that I should have never been born for being a product of rape, an ethnic young girl who’s too Americanized to even learn her country’s language, a narcissistic, negative nancy.

If I could disappear, I would. If I could just not wake up tomorrow, all of my wishes would come true. I can’t stand the world I live in. I can’t stand anyone around me.

2 thoughts on “While I’m Still Here”

  1. You should take your medication so you won’t think that way! Life is a very beautiful thing. If you didn’t know that, you better should know. Life is an opportunity, benefit from it. Life is beauty. admire it. Life is a dream, realize it. Life is a challenge, meet it. Life is a duty, complete it. Life is game, play it. Life is a promise, fulfill it. Life is sorrow, overcome it. Life is a song, sing it. Life is a struggle, accept it. Life is a tragedy, confront it., Life is an adventure, dare it. Life is a luck, make it. Life is too precious, do not destroy it. Life is life, FIGHT for it.—by: Anonymous
    It’s anonymous because I forgot who said that though. That is what you should always remember. God doesn’t require us to succeedd, He only requires us to try.

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