The Knight is fifteen years older than me. I’ve never mentioned it before because it doesn’t matter to us. Him being old is a running joke among the two of us, but nothing more. Our personalities are so similar, we get excited about the same things, rant about others together – it doesn’t matter that the Knight has band shirts older than I am. I also didn’t want you to picture him as an old man, because he is one of those men whose age you can never really guess since they keep a boyish face throughout their lives.
Very early in our relationship, long before the beginning of the story I am telling you here, I had to do a pregnancy test because due to unfortunate circumstances there was a chance of me being pregnant. It turned out negative and we found ourselves surprisingly disappointed. We had known that both of us wanted children sooner or later but to rush into a thing like this so soon, with me still having to get my master’s degree… It was unreasonalbe, foolish, a huge venture. In short, it was exactly something the two of us would do. After all, the Knight wouldn’t get any younger.
I stopped my birth control measures and we decided to just see what would happen, without getting ourselves into counting cycle times and ovulation dates. Just take it easy. When half a year passed and nothing happened I started getting worried. Then I got anxious, then desperate. I don’t know how many times I’ve cried because I got my period or another test turned out to be negative. My distress rubbed off on the Knight who told me I would drive him crazy if I went on worrying so much about it. Slowly, I came to terms with the possibility of not being able to bear children at all.
Then came the beginning of 2013 and the meeting at the snowbound hotel and I made new friends and had fun and for the first time in nearly two years I was happy to still be young and free of responsibilities. I fell in love with the Witcher and forgot about getting pregnant.
In April I started feeling weird in the mornings and deep down I immediately knew what was going on. It was surreal – so many months I had spent desperately hoping for this and now that it was happening I didn’t want it! At first I just ignored it. Then I got very afraid of all the consequences now about to hit me.Would I lose my new position at the institute? Would everybody be mad at me?
Fortunately I am good with complicated situations. They make me rise to my full potential. After I had fully acknowledged the fact that I was pregnant I started spinning my nets. I told the Knight and made clear that it needs to stay a secret for as long as possible. Then I confided in the one person I always trust for help and advise: my father. He was immensely happy at the news and started plotting my secret pregnancy. I was worried to be banned from the lab when things got known and my project was in a phase where I couldn’t let this happen. If no one knew my secret it was all limited to my own responsibility and I was confident about being able to avoid all biological and chemical dangers. My father organized meetings with doctors during night shifts, where nothing got protocolled and i convinced my gynecologist to postpone all official documents for some weeks. I didn’t like lying to my co-workers and superiors, but I was sure they would be happy about not having to deal with the problems about to come yet. After all, I continued my work carefully yet industriously. I judged it to the best way for everyone involved.
Keeping a secret from the Witcher was harder.