So school has started again and it has been… interesting I guess you could say. My classes aren’t that bad and I don’t have bad teachers the only problem is me. Every time I go into a place full of people I panic a lot but even if there isn’t that many people I will still get really anxious and picky and I can’t help it. I’m not even sure why if I’m honest. I have been felling a lot worse too. Some people say I am just overreacting and overemotional about everything but they don’t get what it’s like or how it really feels. No one does. I had English today and my teacher said he wanted to get to know us all a bit more so he said for everyone to do an English piece about anything we want in any way we want preferably if it is like ourselves. So I decided to write a poem. I’ll paste in below.
Her eyes leaked,
But her heart was strong,
Giving the speech she seeked,
A fluent movement if song,
The colours represented her emotion,
Blues, pinks contrasted the movement
Her smiles and laughs hiding
The secrets and commotion.
Onlookers cried through the movement
If only they saw the colours inside
That glimmer of hope that never dies
You wouldn’t cast to the side
You truth you covered with lies.
Her pain is but a star
Whose pain sines so bright
But her pain is but afar
It is the sun that glows in the light
And the mood that brightens the night.
She put on her mask and walked outdoors
The girl determined to win the fight.
For a moment she wishes to pause
She lay on the ground and looked to the sky
Peered to the clouds with nothing on mind
But moments later she began to cry
And there was no more happiness that she could find.
Though she wept her heart was still strong
And she would push on even though her mind did her wrong
Since he had gone.- @_society.will.kill.us.all_
It’s not very good sorry but when I had finished it I re-read it and I thought there was no way I could give that to my teacher in case he questioned me about it or something or reported it or anything like that so instead I kept that and wrote a really short other poem. I’m not sure why I’m shearing that poem with you if I’m honest but I guess someone could relate or something? I don’t know. There isn’t really anything much to say because I don’t really know what’s going on with me right now I’m still trying to figure everything out. Stress of everything is overwhelming its stupid how stressed and anxious I am already I’m completely dreading exams. This is probably my longest entry so far but only because of that poem. How are you all? I hope you are all ok and let me know if you ever want to talk or anything ether comment on there or my Instagram. Always here.
That Girl <3
Relatable song of the day: Big Girls Cry by Sia
‘I may cry, ruining my makeup
Wash away all the things you’ve taken
I don’t care if I don’t look pretty
Big girls cry when their hearts are breaking
I’m in pain
It’s lonely at the top
Blackouts and airplanes
I still pour you a glass of champagne
I’m a tough girl
Whose soul aches’