It’s like I can’t fully commit myself into studying, I mostly priorities the things I wanted to do before actually doing what is most necessary. While I study I get some anxiousness about not finishing something something else, but actually I should be more anxious for not studying.
I often delay the time I needed to study, promising myself to do it in that certain time, but I didn’t listen to myself, well because that’s just simply me, and not another person, and I have the choice to disrespect my promises, it’s like breaking the promises that your past self made.
I just have this philosophical thinking that people can actually interact with their selves in different periods of time, well I don’t really mean they can actually interact physically, and I take this very literally, well I think my point is something like this, your eating ice cream and you know that eating too much of it, would cause you to have some stomach ache, but you as the person of the present, don’t seem to worry much about it since that will be a problem for your future self, or something like, staying up really late at night knowing that you need a big rest for your big day tomorrow and that you don’t want to be lousy in the morning, but you didn’t do it and probably didn’t worry that much as the person of the present, thinking that it will just be a problem for your future self, and then as you become that future self by the next day and felt like you lack energy you would probably start regretting the decision of staying up late, blaming that person who made those certain decisions which is you yourself in time. We blame the person from a different dimension from time itself, so instead of time and space it’s simply just time all itself, though we don’t simply interfere or disrupt these dimensions, we just seem to transfer our feelings through the space of time depending on certain events that took place to each one of them, what we do in the past affects our emotions dramatically in certain ways.
I’m not really sure if everything I said above actually made sense but this is just simply my deep thoughts, and these thoughts actually mess up around my mind, it just seemed jumbled up, making me loose my direction about what am I simply thinking, making me confused about my meaning, and what answer do I actually want, or simply what’s my actual point. So I wrote those in this journal to see what I can express and to see what else I can discover while in the process of writing, and It may somehow relieve my heavy philosophical thoughts.