I have felt like I’ve been missing something in my life for a few months now. Yesterday I woke up and realized what it was….a boy….which is weird because I like girls….
I had a dream about my high school boyfriend and our wedding day and for whatever reason we were there to get married….but we didn’t and he married someone else….
I woke up feeling the worst anxiety of my life. Since the day they announced their engagement, I haven’t felt okay….
every two years or so we end up back in each other’s lives and three years ago I passed up a chance to be with the man I’ve been in love with since I was 14….I thought the last time we kissed I was upset because I was doing something wrong to Ashley but I was really doing something wrong to myself….and not too long later, he got with his fiance.
i remember when we were younger we made a fake pact that we would get married at 25 if we were both still single….well he’s getting married….I’m not… I’ve had wedding plans for us since I was 14…it’s been a long 12 years. I wonder often where we’d be if I hadn’t miscarried.
I actually was watching tv the other night with my girlfriend and someone was getting married….I told her toturnn it off and started crying…I told her it’s because I couldn’t plan a wedding party with the way some of our friends are acting and the fact that my best friends are all moved away…but really it’s because in just a few weeks I will truly lose my heart. Oct 19 was a long way away when they started planning, I thought they might break up or push it…but nope….Oct 19 was also our anniversary…..
I haven’t talked to him in a couple years now, but he’s every bit as much in my heart as he was when we were kids. He commented on something the other day to a comment I posted on his mom’s page, I’ll tell you my heart skipped a beat to see his name.
His fiance is beautiful and if she makes him happy, I’m happy for him….I just can’t help but to think it could’ve been me but I went back to a cheating girl instead of kissing him. I’ll always be there for him even though my heart is broken in the worst way. The forever til death do we part kind of way (bc that’s what he will be saying to her….not me). I wasn’t even this upset after Ashley got married two months after we broke up…I wasn’t upset at all.
I wish you all the best in your marriage and life. I wish you nothing but happiness and love. I really do. I want to thank you for making me the best person I could be and for letting me be myself. I have yet to find a love like yours, she’s a lucky girl….
I will always love you, but I had the boy and she’s got the man </3
🎶🎶I saw your picture in a paper, Honeymoon in Jamaica, she’s a lucky girl
You look so grown up in your black tux, from a ball cap in a pick up, seems like another world
You and me and our big dreams, falling in love
We were two kids in the backseat, all fearless and young
I got the first kiss and she’ll get the last
She’s got the future, I got the past
I got the class ring, she got the diamond and wedding band
I got the boy, she got the man