Being Alone

I came too early to school, I arrived around 7:00 am,and by some time I just discovered that we actually have no classes for PE, I kept looking for my other classmates but I can’t seem to find much of them, I just saw a couple like Elwin and Almer. I checked the group chat of my block section on Facebook, and in their discussion yesterday one of them mentioned that there will be no PE classes today, and that’s when I realised I came too early for my next class which was Chemistry Lab that will be on 12:00 pm, some are even saying that there will be PE classes but they are just being sarcastic. They also discussing something about what section and subjects they will be choosing for the next coming term, well most of them talking about it were a really big group of friends and they just hope to be together next semester. I actually barely know much of what they were actually talking about such as choosing your own sections, I didn’t really know you could actually do that, that you could still be able to go classes together with your close friends. But somehow I don’t really mind if I won’t be able to be in the same class as my friends, the friends I made this semester, I have spent 2 months with these friends where we formed as a group together, and just somehow it’s hard to tell I had some development in the relationship of our friendship, I have different feelings for each individual friend, there are some I may consider comfortable to be with, and there some where they make me anxious, like having the sense of Awkwardness, the sense that you think that you might have hard feelings for each other. That one friend that make me anxious and uncomfortable, makes me want to move on from that group, that friend seems like she plays a big role, she seemed more tough, confident, and has the potential to act as a leader, she was also my first friend I met in college, we were really close and we had some fun spending time together, like joking around, sharing different and interesting stories to each other, but by some time as we go through the semester, things changed, people unpredictably changed, it’s just different, right now it seems as if we weren’t that close anymore, it seemed as if we are just strangers from now, we rarely greet each other, we barely got to have long fun conversations like we used to. Why is it so different now? Was it from the cause of my actions?, by these 2 months through the semester, were there some times where I did something wrong? Or where there times where I simply never said anything that I should have responded to? Such as responding to a “hello” when she greeted me, I responded with a “Yo..” with such a low volume that I couldn’t really confirm if she heard me, I’m worried she might be uncomfortable with my unenthusiastic response to her greeting, is that what’s causing the drama?, that event took place around one of the first weeks of the term, there must be more to what’s causing her behaviour to be like that. I’m usually clumsy and I do clumsy things around her, and sometimes when she points me to do something and I slightly fail to correctly, she gets so pissed at me, like really pissed, you can see the emotion in her face, although it appears as if she seemed emotionless, an emotionless look can either give an expression of being mad or simply having what others call “the resting bitch face” which apparently means that she’s giving a very neutral look but also making her seem like an unapproachable person. There were different rhythms in our friendship, there were times were we would act like best friends, and there were times were it seemed like we have hard feelings for each other, we show really absurd attitudes to each other depending on what atmosphere we are feeling around us, wether we think we should show a certain attitude towards each other. But really, what’s the cause of this change of behaviour?, and who is to blame?, is it me?, is it my personality around her?, or is it just a natural thing for people to change dramatically? Certain human behaviours seemed more complex and complicated that sometimes I look forward to studying Psychology to understand the nature of behaviour, it would help me choose better decisions in certain situations, it would help me deal with people’s personalities better, it would help me to make friends easier, and it would probably even help me in being in a relationship with someone,

Leave a Comment: