epiphany

Sunday, Sir went to the Nationals game with his brother and some friends.  I was home taking care of some issues with our apartment.  I couldn’t help but think about us and our relationship, specifically the open part.  I’ve been struggling with this recently but Sunday, I had an epiphany!

I’m His.  He chose me.  He chooses me everyday.  

Yes, I’m making a choice too but it’s His choice that is more important to me.  My submission is a gift but He has to accept it for it to mean anything.

He’s 25.  He should be having the time of his life right now; fucking whoever He wants and I should have that too.  I never had that chance.  It would be so hypocritical of me to tell Him that He can’t explore other people and fuck other people too.  I don’t want to hold him back but I also don’t want to let him go.  I don’t want to hinder Him or us but there is that little nagging feeling that still says: ‘What if He finds someone better?’

What does better mean?  I don’t know.  I do know it has everything to do with me and my insecurities.  Who is better than me?  What makes someone better than me?  I don’t really know.  Why do I think anyone is better than me anyway?…

 

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