Sunday, Sir went to the Nationals game with his brother and some friends. I was home taking care of some issues with our apartment. I couldn’t help but think about us and our relationship, specifically the open part. I’ve been struggling with this recently but Sunday, I had an epiphany!
I’m His. He chose me. He chooses me everyday.
Yes, I’m making a choice too but it’s His choice that is more important to me. My submission is a gift but He has to accept it for it to mean anything.
He’s 25. He should be having the time of his life right now; fucking whoever He wants and I should have that too. I never had that chance. It would be so hypocritical of me to tell Him that He can’t explore other people and fuck other people too. I don’t want to hold him back but I also don’t want to let him go. I don’t want to hinder Him or us but there is that little nagging feeling that still says: ‘What if He finds someone better?’
What does better mean? I don’t know. I do know it has everything to do with me and my insecurities. Who is better than me? What makes someone better than me? I don’t really know. Why do I think anyone is better than me anyway?…