I’ve seen this one before

I often think about what I would tell my “past” self if I knew what my present self would say.  For a long time, I’ve been scared and anxious, angry and resentful.  And today, I saw myself in you.  I saw the scared, anxiety ridden, angry, and resentful person that I was, in you.  I can say that it made me sad.  It made me angry.  But, most of all, it made me happy.  Not to know that you were struggling, but to know that you are going to get what you deserve.  You will get the validity that you don’t know you need.  You will get the security and love that you feel you don’t get, the place from which the anxiety began.  You will get the understanding that you felt you never got.  And the time to allow you to heal from the resentment you so desperately hold on to.

It’s an often confusing feeling when the very situations that I find cause me emotional pain, also cause another the same.  Almost like looking at yourself through a time warped window.  The truth is that I’ve been searching for this kind of meaning for a long time.  Something that stopped me dead in my tracks and made me take a step back to reflect.  Seeing the most vulnerable part of yourself play out in an almost word-for-word scripted scenario enables you to not only understand yourself, but others.  We are all different, but we are all the same.  I always held out hope that someday, somewhere, I’d fit in.  That I’d find my passion.  The best thing I did was never give up hope and never wait on anyone or anything while looking for that purpose.  I’ve found my purpose in life, because I can help myself by helping you.  And I can help you by helping myself.

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