September 10th 2015
So now that its been a few days since the whole facebook incident lance has apologized multiple times which I really do appreciate, just sucks because I do believe he is sorry but now that its happened this one time I now carry it in the back of my mind. I’m becoming more and more insecure with myself. I know theres a much pretty girl out there for him that he would rather want. Im not the skinniest nor the prettiest nor the smartest for that matter, but one thing I can say is when I love you I love you with all that I am. I will treat him like the king he is and remind him every second of the day how blessed I am to have him in my life. I know he loves me, and things around here have been a little stressful. But when he used the excuse that he messaged the other girl cause we had been fighting a lot more, just didn’t sit well with me. Now I wonder every time we start fighting like all normal couples do by the way, is he just gunna pick up the phone and message another girl?! I just hate that I have been so hurt in past relationships that its effecting the one I have now. When I look into lances beautiful green eyes I can see my forever, I fell in love with his eyes on the very first night we met. Lance has made me feel like I was the only girl in the world , that his eyes only see me. But honestly since we have moved here he has seemed a little different. I mean theses are his stomping grounds. The only people I know are him and his family. Its starting to really suck not having anyone here to vent to. Luckily his mom is awesome and I can almost tell her anything… she does know about lance messaging that other girl… I couldn’t even finish telling her with out tearing up. Im so badly trying to let it go… but for some reason in the pit of my stomach I feel this wasn’t the first time he messaged a girl and it most likely wont be the last. I just want him to be honest with me, I asked him to tell me when he was sure that im no longer what he wanted, he said he would but that I was all he wanted. Its so hard to believe those words, im nervous about starting work now, is he gunna message girls cause hes bored?! I know I just got to trust that he wont and then what ever happens happens. But I know hes not stupid, he knows how to delete his messages, I guess I just don’t know anymore… my heart feels like its getting twisted all up and I don’t know how to fix it.
Welp that’s all I got for tonight!
Time for bed
September 10th 2015