September 10th 2015
So now that its been a few days since the whole facebook incident lance has apologized multiple times which I really do appreciate, just sucks because I do believe he is sorry but now that its happened this one time I now carry it in the back of my mind. I’m becoming more and more insecure with myself. I know theres a much pretty girl out there for him that he would rather want. Im not the skinniest nor the prettiest nor the smartest for that matter, but one thing I can say is when I love you I love you with all that I am. I will treat him like the king he is and remind him every second of the day how blessed I am to have him in my life. I know he loves me, and things around here have been a little stressful. But when he used the excuse that he messaged the other girl cause we had been fighting a lot more, just didn’t sit well with me. Now I wonder every time we start fighting like all normal couples do by the way, is he just gunna pick up the phone and message another girl?! I just hate that I have been so hurt in past relationships that its effecting the one I have now. When I look into lances beautiful green eyes I can see my forever, I fell in love with his eyes on the very first night we met. Lance has made me feel like I was the only girl in the world , that his eyes only see me. But honestly since we have moved here he has seemed a little different. I mean theses are his stomping grounds. The only people I know are him and his family. Its starting to really suck not having anyone here to vent to. Luckily his mom is awesome and I can almost tell her anything… she does know about lance messaging that other girl… I couldn’t even finish telling her with out tearing up. Im so badly trying to let it go… but for some reason in the pit of my stomach I feel this wasn’t the first time he messaged a girl and it most likely wont be the last. I just want him to be honest with me, I asked him to tell me when he was sure that im no longer what he wanted, he said he would but that I was all he wanted. Its so hard to believe those words, im nervous about starting work now, is he gunna message girls cause hes bored?! I know I just got to trust that he wont and then what ever happens happens. But I know hes not stupid, he knows how to delete his messages, I guess I just don’t know anymore… my heart feels like its getting twisted all up and I don’t know how to fix it.
Welp that’s all I got for tonight!
Time for bed

One thought on “confused”

  1. thank you that actually made me feel better. hes definitely never given me any reason before not to trust him. ill really try and take the advice you have given. hes definitely all i want and its worth trying to put aside the bull shit and try again!

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