scars are still visable

It has been over 3 months since I left him but the scars are still there. he continues to terrorize me but in a legal way. he smears my name around the city and tries to damage anything I do. He lies about everything instead of just letting me move on. After a year and 3 months of his verbal, emotional, financial, and physical abuse I am supposed to be free. Yet I am not free because he is having me followed, threatened, reputation damaged and is constantly lurking in the background. He has let many know he will not stop coming for me one way or another. He may not be able to put his hands on me but he ca cause me such anguish I will wish I was dead. I do fear he will kill me or send someone to kill me. When money is involved his evil side comes out. There really is no money but he wants all of Louisville to think he has money. The truth is he took all my money and I am so scared I am not even going to fight him back for it. I still see him screaming in my face, spitting in my eyes as he hollers at me. Backing me into corners or grabbing my shoulder and squeezing so hard that I shut up. I still remember the looks across the dinner table if someone gave me attention and not him. I remember him throwing food in my face and calling me white bitch, dumb bitch, telling me I should be dead. I remember being on 15th and oak trapped in the passenger side of my car while he told me I should jump out the car so he doesn’t have t beat my ass. Instead he pulls the car over and screams in my face until Im out of breath from crying then gets out of the car like nothing happens. He would always smile after going into his rages on me. No one would believe it unless he has done it to them. I remember how he would tell me I was so smart I was dumb. one time in Kroger while giving out tea samples he did not have a charger for his phone. He told me and I said I was sorry but I did not bring my emergency charger that day. he told me I was so stupid and was worthless all because he forgot his charger. He grabbed my hair that day when we got in the truck and told me if I ever leave him I would be sorry. That even if I tried to leave he would always be there always be in my mind.

deep down I know he is going to show up soon and hurt me because he is so angry. I just want to be away from him and anything that has to do with him. He told me if I show up at court I will be hurt bad like the white bitch I am. I believe him. I cant even ask for help because he is trying to make everyone think I am crazy. I have left everything and want nothing from him. All the money he took he can keep all the work I did for his company I don’t even care anymore about it because I feel like the tea company will cause him to kill me. I cut 6 inches of hair off after he grabbed my ponytail and threw food in my face. I stopped going out to eat because I am afraid to run into him and the crowd makes me nervous. Ive had so many different incidents were cars have followed me and tried to make me swerve of the road. Im always to scared to even get a pic or plate number. I just come home and try and stay safe.

I know he will eventually kill me and I hope that someone who isn’t afraid will tell me story. Im too tired to fight anymore I just want to be left alone. but I am always in fear and looking over my shoulder. I know OLC will hurt me and I have no clue how to make him stop. if I call the police he will get even angrier. The more he cant get to me like he wants to the madder he gets and that’s why I am so scared.

Writing in my journal has helped me some I just wish when I write down my fears they would go away. ii wish I could make this whole situation be erased and live my life free without fear. Between the constant vomiting, headaches, heart pains, body aches, panicky attacks, nauseous feeling, dizziness I can hardly function. I try to look normal and still do business but everyday it gets ahrder not easier. So many nice ladies have tried to help me and I am so grateful but I don’t want any of them to be hurt by him or this situation.

Leave a Reply