I have a strong sense of wonderlust. My time here is almost up and I couldn’t decide what I wanted to do and where I wanted to go so I decided to do none of those things. Instead I bought a van. Once was a cargo van and so the back leaves room for me to sleep and live. I’ll be picking up Frisco and travelling with him for a couple of weeks before I have to take him back. Then I will be heading to my home town to visit family and friends. After that I will probably drop south to go wherever my heart takes me.

I spent two nights camping up by dubois, wy all by myself and I had a blast. I could feel the mountains vibrating and my body was vibrating too. The ringing in my ears became intense, almost unbearable, so I meditated. I let the mountain penetrate my core. In return as I was hiking, four miles in, I turned back (due to too many obstacles along the trail) and spotted an elusive cabin. As I walked toward it there was a dip and a small creek. Past that grassy plane which turned into a vortex. The wind blew in every direction around me. I couldn’t help but feel a sense of remembrance. Then as I came to the door, which was open, it was cabin number three. Then it hit me. This is why I had such a feeling with ben as if we had already had a life spent together. We had but it wasn’t this in this life.

I have stopped being hard on myself about guys and relationships. I realized over my time with Ben that no matter how much I loved him; I loved being alone more. I love being with me.

So this winter will be spent with myself. I hope to find petroglyphs, caves, and the unknown. The places I will go will be my monastery and I the pupil.


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