Dramatical Regrets

I find it hard to get along well with some people since I’m having a hard time speaking in Filipino, I mean it’s frustrating how I can’t easily talk to them and I find it hard to approach people I’d really like to be friends with, there was this girl in my section who I really find interesting and I feel like I’m dying to be friends with her and have fun conversations with each other, but I really really really find it hard to approach her because I’m really scared of my awkward personality, I just hate that, I don’t want to be awkward around her, I don’t like her to have a hard time listening to what I’m saying to her as I try hard to speak to her in Tagalog, I’m always afraid.

Last time in school there was some kind of meeting by the court and most of our classmates somehow escaped from that meeting because they wanted to go home early but I decided to stay a little longer, there were a little number of our classmates left in the meeting but she seemed to be staying longer, she looked alone though she doesn’t seem to be talking to anyone, I guess her friends left early already, my friends left me as well but without saying goodbye, It kinda makes me sad they just left me like that, but any ways she seemed really vacant to talk to and I thought that I actually have the chance to come up to her and start talking and I would really love to do that, but ughh! I was so afraid of being awkward! I swear! I ¬†even found it hard to come up with a good topic, like something that would get her interested that would make us talking back and forth like how good friends would do, I really wanted to take that chance to talk to her but I just thought of the risks that could happen, like how I would awkwardly screw up my approach, but I also wonder if she’s just actually just there waiting for me to actually talk her since she all looks alone and not leaving yet, but yeah I just decided to be on my way home but first I needed to go to the toilet. So after I came out of the toilet door I saw her and we passed by each other, I just smiled at her and smiled back sweetly and then I asked her if she was going home and she just nodded and we carried on walking, I actually walked the other way to avoid walking together because I swear I’m scared of being awkward. She seemed to be waiting by the bench in the entrance, It was raining outside and she doesn’t seem to have an umbrella, it would really cool If I could just walk her to her dorm as we stay under my umbrella together, but sadly I didn’t do that I just kept walking to the entrance avoiding eye contact with her. I just knew that I should have done something better, like trying to actually talk to her no matter how awkward I would talk, it might have been worth it! but shocks, I didn’t do it, I am such a coward, I should have tried doing that, it would have been amazing spending time with her to simply walk in the rain and talk, I just think it would have been a pretty scenario.

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