nothing is going well at all. Talk about withdrawal from him all day today. Very mean and threatening. Wanting and craving more Xanax. I wish I was good enough for him. Why does he need Xanax? Why can’t he focus on me and Caleb? Why doesn’t he care? All these thoughts run through my head. He’s been gone for almost 3 hours. Said he was going to pick up weed and that’s it. I honestly don’t even care the way I used to before. I’m close to giving up on my marriage. Call me wrong for that but how would you like it if the person you were crazy about was more into drugs than you? It sucks and it hurts. I never had an addiction problem. So I don’t fully understand but I try to the best I can. I need to see a dentist I know it’s random but I have a cavity that hurts so bad and I don’t even have a dentist. I need to get one. Back to what I was talking about. I’m so thankful for my son. He’s the reason I’m waking up each day and trying hard to make things right. Will I ever meet that guy who will treat me with respect? Who will spoil me with their love and attention? Who will want me and not drugs? I hope one day I find that person. I been waiting for a while to find my soul mate. There is to much pain from my husband I’m married to now to say he’s my soul mate because he’s not. He disrespects me, he puts me down, he abuses me mentally and once physically. He mean and doesn’t provide for the stuff Caleb and I need. Diapers? I have to buy them without him knowing. I’m not in love with him any more. I resent him. I don’t enjoy being on his company. I rather live alone with me and Caleb. Get to do my own thing and my own time. I hope I get My own place. We have to leave this apartment  by October 20th. As of now I have no where to go when cop over 20th comes. 

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