As the title implies, I just can’t stop eating. And it’s not like I have a disorder or anything, I just comfort eat whenever I get the chance. I have already wasted more than half of my allowance on just food, mostly Subway, pot noodles, cereal and just sweets, and chilli potato grills that i love. I feel bad about wasting all this money, but I can’t stop myself. If I feel sad or depressed, I need to eat. I can’t not eat, or else I get frustrated. Also, I today tried to trim my eyebrows and now half of my left eyebrow is bald, cause I always screw up everything on my non-dominant side of my body. I fixed it though, which I think was the highlight of my day.
I watched and Emma Blackery video on self-harm today, and she read a sentence from her old anxiety medication: “If you have thoughts of self-harm, contact your doctor immediately.” So not only self-harm is regarded as a serious problem, but only THOUGHTS are already dangerous. I have had self-harm thoughts multiple times during the summer, and a couple times during the first week of school, but I haven’t told anyone, not even my closest friend, because she self-harmed once during the summer, and I don’t think it would be a good idea to mention it. I’m really scared of everything and everyone, really anxious about everything, and I’m too nervous of going to the counsellor. Should I try to go to the counsellor? Apparently the one at my school is really nice, but ‘m still nervous just because I’m anxious all the time.
I wasted my day today because there was a house competition that was COMPULSORY to watch, but not to actually participate. I was planning to meet a friend in town that day, but I wasn’t allowed because of the competition. I was close to crying so many times because the competition was pointless and I had sacrificed a meeting with a friend I might never ever see again. But after about an hour of mindlessly staring into space from sheer boredom, I just got a book from the library and left to go back to the boarding house. Because f*ck the system.
I have to really pee now, so I’m gonna go
See you tomorrow (maybe)