today was kinda bittersweet. I kinda thought about you and kinda didn’t. Some thoughts were good and some were bad.. I thought about going down there, thought of all the things I’d vow to you if you took me back and then I thought about what would happen if you ever did come back to me, like what would be the reason.. because you got dumped or if you really missed me.. I tried posting things so you’d see me on your newsfeed so I’d stay in your head, kinda pathetic I know but I’m still at that point. I thought about moving on and I thought about not even looking at guys forever which is hard because I still just want you.. even with all this distance you’re all I think about and it just makes me sick to my stomach thinking I could be with you right now and I’m not. As of today I still am waiting for that “i want you back” text or “i miss you” call.. honestly anything would work. I’m not gonna talk to you though.. that’s the thing. I don’t think you realize how serious I am when I say that because I’ve already been the one to cave last pouring my heart out and getting shot down, I’m not gonna do it again. I wish there was some way you’d stumble upon this site and see you’re still a huge part of my life but I know that will never happen so I’m left here torn between wanting to spill my heart out day after day or shutting it all down.  But as far as I’m concerned right now I’m gonna stick to my word of not doing anything as much as it’ll suck but I just want you to see I’m serious and even if I do do something it won’t be the same and I’ll probably break down crying as soon as we’re done kissing.  Whoever I get involved with next if it’s not you I’m gonna straight up tell em “hey, I’m still getting over my ex and if you can’t handle that then we won’t work because that’s just the struggle I deal with day to day” I hope I’ll never have to say that though because I know at this point since we’ve both realized the mistakes we’ve made both inside and outside our relationship that we could finally work.. that’s why I’m still hoping on. That and for Milli Lynn..

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