Text:9/17

First thing I wanna apologize/own up for me saying I wasn’t gonna get into a relationship right away. I honestly thought I ment that bc I had been in one so long y hop into another one. But I got caught up on things and it just hit the fan. Like looking back I wish i woulda took a moment to collect myself bc ik then none of this woulda happened. I wish I kept my distance from certain people and invested myself more in others but I was heartbroken from the fights we always had and I didn’t know how to react. I thought moving on was the only way to fix the fights since we had been like tht for so damn long. Moving on like I did hurt me both physcally and mentally, way more than the breakup between us actually did and I just felt trapped so thats y I stayed in it. I thought it wasn’t a rebound and as I got further into it that’s what I reliazed it was so I just panicked.. Again. A relationship is not the way to handle a break up, guys in general are not the way to handle a break up and I just wish I had listened to everyone back in January bc who knows howd it be. We actually did have a decent end to my winter break and I got caught up in the excitement of “college” and the new ppl which causes me to lose sight of what I really wanted. Like I just remembered all the shitty times when I came back here instead of focusing on the bigger picture.. Xmas was actually super nice and the sex wasn’t just to have sex. With u it never was so I hate myself for even saying that. But circling around, I never ment to get into a new relationship, I shouldn’t have. I was kinda brainwashed bc I woulda loved to do vday with u but I was just told tht moving on would b better and I just caved. Didnt stick up for my ground. I had been so frustrated I said a lot of things and bc of that they all thought I was over you but really I was just hung up on you and was afraid to admit it that even with evey fight u were the only person I wanted to be with. And as far as I feel right now imma stay away from relationships.. They rnt what I need right now. Just my friends support and love is all that I need.. Im sorry for hurting you like I did by saying that. Of all things I shoulda stuck to my word :/

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