I’ve come to that time in my life where I’m not quite sure where things are going and if it’s time for a change.
I’m sure we’ve all been there, probably multiple time… the thing that is different about this time is that I feel pretty alone in this time of searching. I live overseas and have been for a few years thinking that this is it: the best years of my life, living in a different country, traveling the world and just living life.
That might have seemed true at times… but in reality, I’m sad and lonely. And even though I am able to do all those things, I would rather do them with someone then alone.
While living overseas, people tend to come and go. For most, it’s not a permanent thing, living here. Therefore, relationships come and go. I’m not one that easily makes friends. It takes a while for me to really open up to someone, which is a huge issue living here. Just about the time a really feel a strong relationship, they leave. And I’m not talking about romantic relationships, just friendships.
Since I’ve been overseas for a few years, my relationships back home have changed as well. You know that saying, “outta sight, outta mind”? Well it really is true, especially when you move to the other side of the world. People see you differently. The every day life doesn’t seem exciting to talk about and then you slowly cut down on communication and before you know it, it’s been years since you’ve talked or seen each other. The life that you used to have disappears.
Granted, I have a few great friends that have stayed connected with me since I’ve left, and I thank the Lord for them. But they have their lives too. And we are at different points in our life, so it’s different, but still strong.
Getting back to the point, I moved out here for a job, and a new adventure. And I have a good job, and I’ve had many adventures. So we would classify this decision as a success.
However, I’m wondering if this job is enough. Is it worth everything else that comes along with it? Is it work being unhappy, feeling like I don’t have a place to really call home, feeling lonely, stressed out, and lost?
to quote one of my favorite movies: “I don’t really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void.:
That’s where this journal comes to play. It’s a place where I can put my feelings and thoughts what I’m going through to help figure it out.