My last entry was about my childhood from birth to graduation…. Now I will get into mine and floyed relationship which lasted from June of 2005 to January of 2014, so 9 years in total.
Floyed and I met when I was 17, he lived with us through our senior year in high school. We graduated on a Thursday night in May. Had our graduation party on Saturday and Sunday we moved out into our own place a hour away from the town that had now became “home”. We moved into a 3 bedroom 1 bath ranch house with a big yard on a corner lot. When we moved neither one of us had jobs so we began looking for jobs right away. Some of my aunts and uncles worked at a factory that made car parts for GM and they were able to get floyed a full time position there he worked 5pm to 1am and most of the time it was later then that because of over time.
I did not have to work because he was bringing home between $1500 and $2000 a week. So I sat at home everyday and played little Mrs. susie homemaker. About a month after we were living on our own I noticed that I had gained a lot of weight and that I had not had a period for about 2 months. I started to wonder if I was pregnant and I was so happy because all my life I had been a mother to all my younger siblings and I had always wanted a baby of my own. So one night after floyed got home I told him about my situation. So we went a got a pregnancy test and I waited to take the test for in the morning. I was so excited that I could hardly sleep, floyed and I stayed up for hours talking about wonderful it would be to have a family of our own. (floyed was adopted by his grandparents and never felt he belonged and never got to see his mother or 2 younger sisters). The next morning I took the test before I did anything else, waited the 2 minutes and there was just one pink line. I was crushed, but then I started to wonder what was wrong why was I not having a period and why I had gained so much weight. So I called and made a doctors appointment.
At the doctors appointment I was alone because floyed had to work, my mother was a hour away. I sat there and explained what was going on and they did another pregnancy test which again was negative, they then said that I may have a tubal pregnancy so they sent me for an ultrasound. After the ultrasound I sat in the exam room waiting to see what they had to say. The doctor walked in and said well you are not pregnant but we need to run some blood tests and go over your family history. Again I was sitting and waiting alone. The doctor came back in with information packets for me and told me that I had PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome) which causes you to have a insulin resistance and messes up your hormones and causes you to gain weight, lose hair, and causes you infertility, along with a bunch of other bad stuff. I say there at 18 alone trying to be brave while the lump in my throat got bigger and bigger, I was fighting back tears. The doctor left and I made my next follow up appointment and got in my car and cried. I pulled myself together long enough to drive home. I thought to myself no one is going to want to be with me and how it was unfair to floyed because I would never be able to give him a child and a family that he had always wanted. Floyed got home that night and I told him what happed at the doctors office. And he said that he loved me and that we would get through this together and that we would try every option that we had even if it meant adopting. This was the first time that I actually felt like I loved floyed.
About 6 months went by and we moved back to our home town and got different jobs. My mom was now more involved in everything that we did and she had gotten very religious she told us that if we were going to be living together as husband and wife then we needed to get married. So we did just that and one January 31st 2007 we got married in the court house.
A couple of years went by and my PCOS stayed about the same, my weight had increased I had gained about 60 pounds in the 3 years that we had been out of school. And I was beginning to get depressed because I felt that the one thing I wanted in life I could never have….a baby. Floyed had began to pull away too, he became very wrapped up in his xbox and played it everynight. So again I was alone all though I was in a house with him I was alone.
In 2009 we began going to my moms church. I thought that maybe if I got closer to God and got my life right I would be blessed with a child. We became childrens church teachers and members of our church. Life seemed to be getting a little better for us. Floyed also decided to start college so we got him enrolled and I found a full time office position working with mentally disabled adults for the state. It was my job to be the medical coordinator for the clients.
In 2010 moved to the town my mother lived in and a couple in our church had a house forsale that they agreed to let us rent to own. It was a 3 bedroom 1 bath 3200 square foot house with granite counter tops in the kitchen, bathroom and a granite surround in the tub. It had brand new flooring and paint that they had put in after they moved out to sell the house, it was on a corner lot with a fenced in yard and a shed in the back with a work bench. It was everything that we wanted in a house. But I even though everything was looking up for us I still knew something was missing.
In 2010 I got a call from my mom while I was at work saying that my 17 year old sister was pregnant. I was so mad at the world and god, why could she have a baby and I couldn’t. So on January 31st 2011 on a day that was my anniversary my sister gave birth to a beautiful baby boy (liam). Liam was my whole world I ended up keeping him from the time he was 2 months old until he was 2 years old. During this time my life seemed complete. But floyed and I had started to drift further and further apart. And I always knew in the back of my mind that one day my sister would come back and take liam away. After liams 2nd birthday my sister came back for him. I was crushed. I still got him every weekend and he was still my baby.
In 2013 floyed and I could go days without talking to each other. He was wrapped up in school and xbox. I woke up one night and for some reason grabbed floyeds phone took it in the bathroom and went through it. I found texts and pictures from a girl that we was in school with. As much as I wanted to be hurt I wasn’t I was mad instead. I shut his phone off and put it back beside his side on the bed just like he had it and went back to bed. My thought was ok you can talk to other people then so can I.
I got in contact with an old boyfriend and we hooked up and that was the end of that. I began to feel guilty for doing what I had done. So I sat down with floyed one night and we had a 3 hour conversation about all of our problems and we both decided that we were going to make changes. I wouldn’t talk to any guys and would block that guy I cheated with on all social sites and on my phone. Floyed would start putting more effort into our relationship as well and turn the xbox off.
Things got good for about 3 months we had friends coming over for every Saturday for BBQs and church on Sundays. Then in September of 2013 floyed started slipping into old habits, xbox every night, I would go to bed alone while he stayed up playing xbox laughing and talking with his xbox buddies. I would cry in bed wondering why he could spend so much time with them people he didn’t even know and not with me the person he was supposed to love.
Thanksgiving, Christmas went by and nothing had changed. It was New Years Eve we were getting ready to go to a family friend bar in the town that all my family was in. We got ready and went to the party, we were having a great time. Drinks and dancing, family and friends. Floyed was drinking but was being a downer he sat in a chair at the bar and didn’t get up to dance or talk to anyone, at one point he grabbed me by the arm when my aunt and I were dancing together and pulled me over to him and said to stop dancing because I was making a fool of myself and him. I just looked at him and rolled my eyes and went back to having a good time. Then this guy walked in and my heart dropped and I stopped everything that I was doing. It was Pierce, the guy I was head over hills in love with when I was younger. It had been over 10 years since we had seen each other. I went on about my night and pierce watched every move that I made. At one point during the night he came up to me and told me how wonderful I looked and how I was still the beautiful girl he fell in love with all those years ago.
About a week after New Years I went back down to my aunts house and decided that floyed and I were longer a couple we were just room mates that had sex. So I packed my stuff and we went our separate ways.
So the relationship I had from 17 to 25 was over. My house was gone, I gave away most of the furniture we had bought through the years. The only thing I took from the house was my clothes, personal items, and bed. Everything else was given away or he took.
I moved in with my aunt and drove an hour to work one way. I was also moved into a new position at my work where I was in charge of scheduling events for the clients to go on out in the community that taught them the skills they needed to become active members in their community and become more socially acceptable.
Next comes the aftermath of the split up……..