There are times in our lives when we feel that some people in our circle of family and friends are not treating us the way we feel we deserve. We sometimes feel sidelined be it intentional on the part of the so called perpetrator or completely innocent we still fell hurt. Not only our feelings are knocked but even a little pride. When this occurs what is one of the first instinct we feel do we fight or take flight?
Lets look at what happens when someone goes out of their way to ensure that we are not a part of a planning process for a particular event which has special meaning to us. To Joe Bloggs it would be just another event and why get involves when you can watch the drama unfold from a front row seat but, to someone like myself who feels very passionately about family it is nothing short of sending out an advert in the national newspaper informing the world how little you really mean to them and the said event and that they will only include in as much as they would any other non involved member of the community.
So to take fight…what would that mean? Do you stand up for your feelings? Make it know how their actions have been offensive and hope that they see the error of the ways and lo and behold like a Bollywood movie all ends well in a perfect technicolour dance number. Or you tell them how you feel. they defend their actions by reminding you of some earlier henious crime you committed towards them (which in fact you did not but, that is not how they recall the event) all hell breaks loose, arguing, throwing accusations left right and centre…the arguments get louder and one loses track of what the original argument was about in the first place..so I ask myself is it better not to just let the snide comments pass without reproach?
To take flight would mean to do just that but, what happens when we allow people to say what ever comes into the mind to us without any thought to our feelings? Are we not simply allowing ourselves to be oppressed (even in the lightest sense of the word). When we simply allow matters to unfold to which the results not only offend us but, also humiliate us and make us feel small by comparison.
When we pretend that the actions of others do not hurt us. that it no longer matters what others do, there actions should have no bearing on our actions…I think at that point we lose a bit of our selves. Why are we so afraid to say how we feel in families because we do not want to upset the status quo. Every one should have a right to question those who feel they have a right to walk over their feelings…
But do we ?????????????