it’s black and it’s white

It’s black and it’s white. The way I feel towards myself has no gray area. I want to love my body and who I am, but at the same time, I feel like I’ve disappointed my family. Last year I weighed around 155 pounds. I spent about 2 months eating healthy and restricting to 1200 calories a day. As an active teen, this is not a great choice to make for my health. I also did ab workouts every day. I lost 25 pounds. That didn’t last long though. From restricting too much, this spiraled in to binge eating. Over the next 2 months I gained all my weight back. In fact, more. I am way too terrified to weigh myself, but I’m guessing it’s about 160 pounds. I am type one diabetic, so I visit the endo every 3 months. Last time I visited them, they noticed my weight loss and were very satisfied with it. Well, I go back in a little over 3 weeks and I’ve gained all this weight back. I wasn’t overweight to start out with, but I hated myself. Now I am working on getting this weight back off. Starting today I am eating healthy and doing ab workouts every day again. Except this time I’m not restricting to 1200 calories. I want to stay around 1500, but I won’t get upset if I go over. I want to restrict to 1000 calories or under because I just want to lose the weight back and be ‘happy’ again. I wasn’t really happy though. I was watching every single thing I put in my mouth and counting every little calorie. I was too scared to chew gum because I didn’t want my calories to go over 1200. Well right now I’m not going to worry about that. My only goal as of right now is to stop binge eating, eat healthy, and take care of my body. (and lose all that weight back, but in a healthy matter.)

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