Text:9/21

Today it was hard to pick something if I’m being honest. I know there r so many things to apologize for but it’s just all setting in and I’m in this haze about it all. I just don’t wanna except it. Dont wanna believe it’s over. I cried when I read your tweet today and it just set in unsure emoticon I started biting my lip again and that’s my subconscious saying I’m stressed again..but anywho. I wanna apologize for being nothing but supportive when it came to the military. I was selfish bc I didnt want to lose you. I thought u were being pressured and I shoulda listened to you. Me running away pushed u further into it and it fucked eveything up. I wish I was there at the airport for the goodbye with signs and kisses and these dog tags I was gonna buy us. I wish I had my build a bear to sleep with while u were gone and had a visit on family day. I wish I wrote more letters most of all.. Wish I sent more pictures and wish I wasn’t an ass honestly. You were going through the biggest change in ur life and I wasn’t there. I left for what.. A false happiness I hate myself for now and more tears and pain. You’re becoming a great soilder i know and I wish I was there to share the excitement of it all with you. I wish we had a wedding for it all but all I can do now is hope and keep apologizing.. Im sorry u had to go through eveything alone. Im sorry u dealt with the pain at basis training.. Im sorry it came to this. Im trying so hard to be a better person rn but it’s so hard bc I’m so lost and confused and I’m looking for happiness. That’s all Im trying to do and with u not here Idk what to do unsure emoticon I know im the reason ur not here but it’s just so extremetly difficult as to know what to do and know how to feel about eveything. Please know Im just trying to be the best I can be while finding my happiness again unsure emoticon but to circle around.. Im sorry I was never nothing but supportive. I shoulda been proud of u, and I always was but I shoulda been prouder and more supportive, hands down. You’re gonna do great fucking things and it sucks I will not be able to b by ur side during it all. So heres day 5!? Im saying sorry.. Im sorry u did it alone. Ur so strong to do tht and it makes me even more amazed and proud of u. Ur truly something special.

Leave a Reply

SCROLL TO TOP