I try to do everything I can. I try try try. But I’m always getting the shit end of everything. I finally try being nice to Alex and he’s just mean to me. I haven’t hugged or kissed him in almost a week because I’m so hurt. I know you can’t help addiction and it’s a disease but you can’t change them for fix them you just got to do your own thing. That’s why I’m moving in with my parents until I find my own place. We will see if he changes I’m not going to tell him what to do anymore. He has to want help to stop using drugs and alcohol and want to get help. But he never wants that so I don’t know what will happen to him. He will be out every night drinking and doing drugs and I’ll be with my parents raising Caleb like I have been. Try to find a job so I can provide for him. This is all so hard though when you have depression and a husband who has an addiction to multiple things. They love that more than you or anything else. Telling an addict to stop using is like telling a non addict to stop breathing. I read all about it online. I know the thing not to do with addicts and what to do. Addicts don’t think they have a problem they think they can keep things under control. I just am heart broken hopefully I get something out of being so depressed over this I don’t really want to eat so maybe I’ll lose some weight. Who knows. God knows what’s best and he wants the best for everyone but we were out here for a reason to tell them about him and his son Jesus Christ. I believe we were in heaven and we made a promise to god we’d do the right things and obey his 10 commandments but we wouldn’t remember any of it when we were born it’s a test. I believe god wants you to do good and help people and pray for them and just do good things in life. If you don’t believe in god or Jesus watch the movie heaven is for real. It’s a true story.

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