Basically, I have come to realise that my not-so-frequent mood swings get bad. Really bad. I mean, one minute I’m happy, the next I could be close to crying because I just want to. There isn’t a particular reason for me to do that, but I just want to. Sometimes my mood gets so high that I start to behave like a 5-year-old on a sugar rush which is annoying to most people, but then it gets so low I almost start cutting, because everything that’s going wrong in my life just flushes back to me in an instant.
Yesterday (I think) in the shower, I just looked at my razor that I had previously used to shave my legs and then I proceeded to try and cut my arm with it. Then I realised that the soft cushions that I had on the razor prevented me from cutting myself. I didn’t take much notice of the fact that I legitimately wanted to start cutting, and I’m still not very shocked by it. Is that good or bad? I don’t really know. Maybe I’ll never know.
This weekend I’m going to MUN, and to be honest, I can’t wait. I’m a bit nervous though because this is only my second time, and also because I am on the Security Council, which is a huge deal. But I represent Spain, therefore I have no veto power, but I don’t really care. Although I do hope one day my school gets to be Russia, because I know a lot about Russia, and also because I’m on the Security Council and I have veto power, which means I can make everyone hate me or love me.
I’m just a bit insecure because I’m going with people that don’t really like me and talk shit about me often, and I don’t want them to judge every single move I make, like last time. But really, I couldn’t give less of a shit. I’ll try to make friends with the people next to me or when we are lobbying before the whole entire event actually starts.
This time I’ve decided to still not write a resolution because I’m A) lazy and B) I don’t know much about the country I’m representing and C) I don’t have experience. I’m going to two to other ones this year, so I still have time.
I know I usually write on two subjects, but once again, I’m lazy. Therefore, two.