It has been a hard couple of days. I spent the later half of yesterday in and out of uncontrollable tears. I still don’t know exactly what threw me into the mess that consumed the majority of my night. One of the reasons that I have come up with is as follows. It was my most recent exes birthday yesterday. I am still a little salty about the whole situation. She was from out of town. I knew from the beginning that we were destined to go our separate ways. What I did not know was that in the short time that we were blessed with, I would fall deeply in love. You might be thinking how short is a short time. Short enough to warrant longing, but long enough to be consumed by the beauty of her soul. I believe in love at first sight. In fact I believe it has happened to me many times before. One such occasion was when I was twelve. I was on vacation with my parents and siblings visiting friends of the family. Our hosts felt that I didn’t need to be burdened with the task of babysitting so they hired a girl to watch the kids. I will never forget the instant she walked in the door and our eyes met. In that prepubescent moment I believe we both knew we were in love. We spent the remaining days lost in each others essence. We separated in tears knowing that although we were young and new in the experiences of life, we had felt something real. So time to me is irrelevant when it comes to love. You can fall in love in an instant or develop it over long periods of growing interest. So I may have been somewhat upset by my last relationship. I’m not hurt so much by the fact that we are no longer together, or that we haven’t talked in what seems like an eternity. In fact I hope she has found someone new who makes her happy. Her happiness was my intention all along. No what puts me in fits of depression is the fact that love finds me in the worst of situations. Life has taken it upon itself to turn my love life into a running joke. I guess I am lucky in the sense that some people never feel true love. Most people manifest an allusion of love. They stay with the wrong person for years convincing themselves of authenticity. I feel sorry for these lost souls the most. It seriously hurts me to witness miserable people fake like they are in love. Love is to pure of a thing to be tainted by illusions of affection. If there is a God I like to believe that one of the comforts in this life we are allowed is the magnet opposite to our sole. An energy within a soul mate that if found and realized completes us. We are not supposed to be alone. We crave human interaction and infatuation. If we are not allowed these things homo erotic relationships with sports equipment can happen. OK maybe not to that extreme but something will occur its human nature. Anyway the reason for this rant is to take matters into my own hands. There is more than one soul mate out there for everyone. I have decided on a number in the hundreds. I doubt that you will see all of them in your life time. It is even slim that you will talk to them, and if you do chances are they are dating someone. Timing factors in even more odds. Think about how many people you met who were in a relationship that you felt a unspoken connection. Sometimes when in that situation I wonder if their relationship is real or manifested. I hope its the latter I truly do. So with the odds stacked against me I cannot simply depend on fate to weave a chance meeting of unknown lovers. I am proactively searching for love. Tomorrow is suddenly filled with beautiful opportunity.