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Shine

As I have mentioned before one thing I’m working on is having body confidence. I believe we live in a world that we are in constant stage of “fitting” in to society’s standards. The thing is this so called standard is really truly in our head. It is what our mind perceives that the general public thinks of our bodies. Now I’m not saying that society doesn’t put pressures on the less than perfect woman but think about it, we allow to let this affect our thoughts of ourselves. Sometimes we even allow our experiences or those we trust to affect the judgement of us.

For myself my perception of poor confidence did not come from society’s standards of what I should look like but rather the experiences I had regarding my body. At the age of ten I was already wearing a “c” cup and by the time I hit high school I was a “d”. Being bigger busted created a lot of unwanted attention from men, including from a trusted person in my life. This caused me to hate my body and wish everyday I could hide. I would do anything to make sure that my clothes didn’t fit too tight. As a young adult I came to terms with my body and what it attracted through support of counseling. After being married to my first husband for about six years you could say I put on some “marriage pounds”. One day I was speaking to my ex asking him about why he had been less affectionate the last few months and he told me I was fat and he was not attracted to me. It crushed me and I went into this spiraling path of hating my body. This lasted up until recently when I decided that I would love myself in this journey and embrace what God has given me. Now there where times during this time that I was feeling better than others but there was not a day that went by I didn’t pick apart my body.

Since the moment I started this journey I have made a complete effort of to not pick apart myself but rather focus on the beauty I see. Not going to lie it is hard some days but I feel so much better. I even feel like my confidence has popped more. So, when I saw the quote above I knew it was meant for me right now. I’m like a glow stick, it took my life turning totally turning upside down recently to break me but now through this journey It has caused me to shine! I am loving that I’m shining and growing everyday. I know my confidence in my own skin will only grow more as I continue on this path of finding myself.

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