More not oks.

There is more. It’s not ok for you to hold my sister by her throat against the wall. It’s not ok for you to take advantage of me in my sleep. Dickhead!! How dare you do that to her and to me!!!

There is a tree outside my office window…it has no leaves. It’s branches are like a puzzle. Sometimes I find myself staring at it – I’m not sure for how long. What makes these branches grow where they do? They cross over each other spreading out any which way. There is a tree like this in the place I found in relaxation yesterday – not sure what that means…when will this tree get his leaves back? It’s spring time and still no leaves.

I relieved those thoughts when I was staring at the tree. They are as clear as day yet happened years ago…funny there is not a cloud in the sky and I just said clear as day…. Someone is telling me something….since I decided on change the number 21 is everyone…21 days of Facebook Detox, 21 days of Yoga, 21 days to make something a habit. Should I be scared?!?! How’s this – 21 is and has been my lucky number for as long as I can remember. Weird!!

Getting back to dickhead – how do I end this? I don’t want to see him, I don’t want to talk to him, I don’t want to hear him (though I can still hear his tone in my head). It wouldn’t matter if he apologised – that would never justify his actions. So what more do I want? There is nothing that can be done. Is this the part where I need to find my way of dealing with that? I thought I had dealt with it – it’s been 8+ years since I have even seen him, since we ended. I’m confused about this part…  🙁

One thought on “More not oks.”

  1. Mmmm a way to exorcise that demon – maybe start with forgiving yourself!

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