better than twilight

a random poem

Lactose intolerant’s lament


i went and finished off the brie

and now my tummy’s mad you see

i like it but it don’t like me

now to the bathroom i must flee

i’ll be back in an hour…or three!

-Leopara Bates january 24th 2007

this was sent in an email to Stephen Brust who responded a few minutes later at 9:24pm with ‘indeed. Warm regards to the brie.’ we emailed back and forth for about a year. funny man. the timing was just off.

‘or you could just say, bring me a kuvacz and while you’re at it, bring me another!’ when i asked how you would pluralize the name of his massive white hungarian (of COURSE hehe) dog’s breed.

herbals are listed as out for delivery! (cheers virtual cartwheels et al) i wasn’t even going to begin expecting it till monday at the earliest. yup. this new site may just work. we’ll see how the product is since i just grabbed a random on sale item (10 grams 42.98 with shipping which seems to mean 2 days from the MOMENT you place the order with them. most impressive! not bad for 5.99!) it’s called Flamingo. never tried that brand before, never even heard of it. we’ll see.

oh and i chased an idiot drug dealer off. 1030am on a saturday broad daylight AND pissing down rain. dumbass pulls up in a car that’s an escapee from the game street racer (never played. dated someone who played it for hours daily) metal flake forest green 2 parallel white stripes down the whole passenger side back end tilted up the whole 9 yards lit rims i mean REALLY?! then he gets out the car and he’s dressed full on casting call gangbanger. in this neighborhood. historic middle class collegiate. (it’s also seriously artsy which is how i get away with my eccentricities of dress lol) jeans so heavy with embroidery the waist is barely hanging at the bottom edge of his bony hip, workboots those big clonky yellow ones that look like popeye should be trying them on LOL white tishirt down to his knees tucked into the striped boxers sand coloured oversized baggy coat black do rag. (facepalm) i watched him pace back and forth in front of the driveway for 5 minutes placing several phone calls on 1 of those gigantic top of the line super iphone things that usually only tech geeks and gamers really want) so i opened the curtain and watched him then stood up and smirked at him. he saw me, started and went back to the car (mind you and just shy of POURING the whole time) and sat in it with the door partly shut sideways in the drivers seat. i opened the balcony door. his eyes got REAL big. i opened the door. he actually jerked back. i opened the screen door smirking. he opened the car door. ‘can i help you?’ me smirking ‘pharamacy’s closed. you just made all those calls for nothing. it’s my turn to make a phone call.’ him ‘i’m with the police, you’ll blow my cover’  me still smirking ‘right and the world’s flat’ tapping buttons on the phone, it lights up, i hold it up so he can see the screen 911 clearly visible white on red from 2 floors up shrugs and holds the phone to my ear pressing the power off button with the side of my thumb pauses as if listening for a ring and greeting. ‘yes! i’m on morrison avenue we have a drug dealer waiting for customers. i know. they don’t learn. of course! i baked scones last night. after we get this one bagged and tagged, you can warm up for a minute while i fill in my report. right. perfect. see you in 2 then.” smiling at the now very worried drug dealer. ‘you DO know there’s a station 2 blocks from here, right?” it becomes an evil grin. ‘try me.’ he peeled out. LOLOLOLOL



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