Alone vs. Lonely

First post ever…

Im usually private but maybe knowing that their is someone reading my posts will help me realize that I’m not as alone like i think i am.

Its been a month since i moved to Texas and left my home in Florida.  As much as i hate change and leaving to go a new state where i know no one. I know its the best decision I’ve made. In Florida my life was stagnant i wasn’t going anywhere.  Everyday my life started to become a routine but i wasn’t heading anywhere. My 4 year relationship ended and at the time my ex made it clear that he wanted to stay single for awhile. I had no friends in Florida just my ex. I hated that. Only being with my ex and all my life in Florida my friendships either turned out to be fake or we grew apart. But I’ve grown to learn and accept that relationships die out.  Life is constantly changing and so do people. Sometimes their with us for week , month, or lifetime but its what we take from the lessons, experience and memories that we shared with them.

Anyways, Since i moved here in Texas i was constantly crying everyday.  I was missing home although I knew that ‘home’ was no longer offering me growth in any area of my life. But i cried. I was alone. Doubting my decision to come here. I was missing my ex even though i knew he was never the one for me and that being by myself was the best choice for me. I also felt like i was releasing so much emotional baggage from back home and now that i was constantly here by myself in my room the only thing i can do is think and look back on what i left and what I’ve been through.

Now that i have a job here i figured i would be making friends. But i haven’t so far. Im either too quiet or i just don’t know what to say. Ive had my ups and downs with people that sometimes i just don’t see the point of  making friends. But i don’t want to be a loner and isolate myself from the world.  The only thing i get from solitude is that I’ve learned so much more about myself.  Ive forgiven and let go of the some things that occurred in my life.  I don’t know how the future is going to be here in Texas. I don’t ever think about my future but whats going on the present. So maybe things will turn around and I will like it.

But for right now I’m just person who stares outside her window most of time looking at the beautiful trees wondering if i can be ok alone? or will I forever be lonely?

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