Its so strange

So………..sometimes I wonder, why do I even bother trying to make people. They can be so……..selfish and ungrateful. In case you do not know, I am 19 years old. All i try to do is make my family and by family mostly really my mother and father proud. To put smiles on there faces. That is something i will pay for. To see my parents…especially my mother smile is something i think is precious. My mother is precious, she is one of the most independent, loving, caring, selfless, passionate, ambitious and the list goes on of what an amazing mother and woman/human being she is. I love so………..much. Sometimes i think really does think that i do not. I grew up always seeing my mom work hard to keep my sister and i happy. No matter what it takes to make mends meet. I like to she her as a Modern Wonder Woman. She is like a superhero.

Anyways, enough about my babbling, the fact is i try so much to please them. By saying pleasing them i mean doing whatever they to do kind of pleasing them. Its just now that I am nineteen years old, I started to realize that i really am not happy. I am like the least happy I’ve ever been in my life. Sometime i wonder to my self, is it really worth it? I mean when am I going to do me? You know? Do something that makes me happy. Not listening to what people telling me to do. Actually do something that i want to do. I mean i feel like, if I continue to do whatever they tell me to do I will never really get to grow up and live my Own life.

I don’t know what but I just have not been myself lately. Have you ever felt like, everything was just ok. Then, everything just went absolutely left. Well, that’s what happened to me. It’s not even cool. I mean why? Anyways every night before bed i always pray to God that some how some way, he can  make a way for me to work this out. I mean to give me the guts to tell my parents that i am not a kid anymore and they just need to know that. They need to know that everything they ever thought me is kept in me and that i will carry it where ever i go.

   Anyways hope all you people out they who ever you are reading this he can relate to me in some way or the other.

bye till next entry

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