Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
I sat there contemplating whether or not I should call him for the past half hour. I even went into the bathroom with my phone. I looked at the contact name and the call button to activate the signal which would allow me to talk to him. Knowing a tiny bit more about robots than I used to, I figured, the code for calling him must already be right in front of my hands. It is all planned out. All I have to do is push the button.
He is at work, I thought. But if he answered and said, “Hello?” I would ask, “Are you at work?” like an ignorant asshole. “Yeah.” “Ok I will talk to you some other time.” That would have been it. That would have been our conversation. And if he didn’t pick up, I would still be able to hear his voicemail. I would still be able to hear his voice.
I pressed the button. One ring. Second ring. Immediate voicemail. “Hi, this is Jim-“click. I hung up. Is that what he sounds like? It scared me. Jim? My Jim? Is that what he sounds like? He sounded like a flaming gay asshole on his voicemail. He denied me because he was at work. Understandable.
At least I tried.
A lot is in my subconscious right now because Miriam is upset, Nehway tried to commit suicide, my friends are going through a hard time, Jim is going through a hard time, and I cannot see my family.
I have it good though. I am only 30 minutes away.
Maybe I will get a chance to go home this weekend. Who knows. I miss Badger, Collins, and Juli. I want to make a fire in the fire pit at my house, blast music, make smores, and talk about what is going on in our lives. The next time I might possibly see them is Thanksgiving.
Thanksgiving is a month and a half away.
This is why I cannot get attached to people.