mI need help… Seriously the one id turn to is gone, my family that I live with is driving me insane, I try to something right and its like 50 things wrong in there (is this how Ryan felt?! I’m so sorry if it was!) like I seriously just had to stop writing to take a look at my car because Emilia press the alarm button again!? How’d she even get my keys… I mess and I just want the help! Why is it I have to rely on my family for gas food money anything really!?! And why is it the feeling i hate most is the feeling of being put down (which again I hope thats not what or how I made ry feel.. I’m sososo sorry!) and my family just brings me down more more and more.. Like they look down on me! Because of the kids, because of ny problems they look down on me… I just want to get away and cry my damn heart out!! I sometimes wish roles were reversed and Ryan would be with the kids and I would be alone idk maybe I just miss him.. Or maybe its the bad day I’ve had, or maybe the overwhelming feeling of all the kids being sick and more needy than usual?! Idk I just know it’s not fair! Its not fair I have to do things alone its not fair that I planned a life out with this amazing man and planned a family and planned a home and he shattered that dream! I don’t blame anyone or anything, and even after Ryan freaking out I don’t blame him and I’m not even mad at him, saddened yes, disappointed a little but I just wish I could understand.. Why god why me? I miss my busy life, I miss being able to just do anything in my home! I miss having my family happy and healthy.. And I hate having to be overwhelmed, sad, crazy, and over all things I hate being alone… And its not lonely like being in a relationship and breaking up.. Its more like alone having to take care of the kids all by myself and prove to everyone I can be a single mother of three… But I don’t want that… I just want things better!! And right now I want to just cry!! Pray for me!