just a thought…

I tried so hard to write something last night but I ended up falling asleep on myself over and over again lol but nonetheless ita morning! And all three babes are sick, Natalie is even sleeping still! Mila woke up at 6 am with Roger and just wouldn’t atop crying about everything and anything 😞 poor munchkin!! She’s like me when she gets sick she gets it the worst! Ugh… Last night I kept wondering how Ry was then I kept feeling like why do I miss him? Hes hurt me so much its like I know he deserves not to be miss but I still do,so why do I love him why do I miss him… Because the man I know personally and intimately is lost somewhere in him – the man I knew was the guy who I would catch doing random dances while he was cooking dinner, the guy who would grab the kids and just tickles them to death to just get a laugh out of them, me. Fix it always “fixing” things when they needed didn’t really need to be fixes it was just that he watches to much DIY network or to much rehab addict lol the man who would just sit on the couch and then scoot a little bit then a little more until he was literally cuddling on top of me , the man who would rub my stomach because the thought of being dad gave him butterflies, because the greatest love was when those little munchkins looked up at you and smiled, when he always cooked my favorite meal every freaking night because he knew thats what I loved, the man who would always surprise me with jumping in the shower with me just to have a sexy moment lol the man who would always hold me when I got cold or when I had a nightmare! I could legit go on and on by I miss him… So much fml! And I was thinking last night what if I forget about him? I’ve feel like we’ve bee. Long gone this whole year I’ve done alot of it on my own what if I forget about him… I know we would always be in his mind somewhere but idk… But does he love us enough to get himself straighten out and not just move on into a fake relationship and work toward seeing his family again? I dnt know what he’s thinking… Sometimes it feels like he regrets being with me and having kids with me, idk if he loved me… I know its ne over thinking again but I miss him, the kids miss him, and if not with me, why wont he atleast do everything hes supposed to do to see the kids? I dnt hold anything against him so… He must just hate us, someone told me he hates us and will probably forget about his family so, what else more can I do??

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