Need to vent again

I still have no one to talk to about this so here I am again.  I’ve been doing better the past couple of days.  I mean I still think about her literally every 5 minutes or less.  I still have pangs of emotions that pop up from random triggers, driving by a certain place, hearing something.  It still makes me well up.  Lately everything has been a reminder of our Hawaii vacation.  I know a woman who’s there right now.  I get messages on my Facebook about the resort we stayed at.  An article about the movie Aloha, and then my bright idea about watching it, which had so many unbelievable similarities in it, right down to breaking up before a 3 day vacation to San Francisco or one of the main characters being a pilot, or the ex from 13 year ago coming back and disrupting everything.  It was an upsetting movie, that made me miss Hawaii so much, only I relate it to her 100% now, so I don’t think it would be the same if I ever went back.  And let’s not forget about the new articles coming out about the new Disney movie with the new Hawaiian princess.  It’s like everywhere I turn, there are subtle reminders of the best week of my life with the best woman I’ve ever had.

Anyways, today I didn’t get much sleep because I had flight school this morning at the crack of dawn and overslept.  So with 3 hours of sleep, my defenses are down and my self control is zilch.  So not only am  dwelling on things today that are making me miserable, but these same thoughts weren’t nearly as painful a couple of days ago.  It’s like it’s starting over again.  It’s only been a week, and I know it’ll take a lot longer than that to get over a loss like this.  But it just sucks because I thought I was already starting to feel better about it and now all the negativity just kickstarted itself again.  I hate this so much.  I can’t believe I feel this way.  I was the happiest man alive a week ago.

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