Today was a bad day. I got 3 hours of sleep, and my defenses were down. I was victim to my emotions over things that weren’t quite bothering me as much yesterday. I texted her. She ignored most of them, but finally messaged me back that things are different and she won’t be talking to me all the time like she used to.
I finally cried. I haven’t been able to actually cry over this. It actually made me feel a little better. The trigger was that I submitted an application for therapy and it came back as an automatic denial, and said this company wouldn’t be a good fit for the type of therapy I need, and referred me to the suicide hotline. I stared at the number for awhile, and grabbed my phone, then I broke down in tears. I need to get help. I don’t have any friends to talk to. She was my best friend. I talked to her about everything. And now I can’t talk to her about anything. I feel like I want to die.