hello world

Its been a very long time since I wrote. It is hard to know where to start. Last time I wrote I was a completely different me. I was very happy about my life, I was confident, I felt good, calm, loved, just enjoyed life. Not to say I’m not happy, but I’ve come a long way. I fell in love with a boy that changed me I became a person I didn’t recognize. Things started off great, real great. I fell for this boy so fast, I didn’t have time to save myself. We dated seven years and I remember the anxiety filled nights staying up till five in the morning knowing you had to be awake at seven. Things were good in the beginning like I said, I had just gotten out of a serious relationship 7 months prior. I had not been able to fall for any man, then he came along. I tell you sex every day missing work to be with him. It was good for about a year and then I started to see he wasn’t the same. I had found out he was a crackhead yes that. As years went by I eventually lost all trust for him, I was having anxiety attacks daily. There would be times I would go to his house he knew I was coming over he would leave like five minutes before id get there. So much happened in those years and over time I lost confidence, I lost my dignity, my smile, my happiness. Most of all I lost myself. I didn’t recognize the person he made me become. He was my day and night. My mood depended on him. Pathetic I know right!?! I learned a lesson from all of those years it was to never let another person determine your mood for you, and that hearts do heal, you can manage just fine without them, and you deserve more than you think. I’m determined to find myself again and smile because I can <3

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