Boredom is not good for me

I went to a party tonight.  It was nice.  I had an OK time.  Just being at the party was a reminder of why I was there.  I was there as a distraction.  To get out of my house, and be around friends, and try and have fun.  If we had still been together, I would have been at her house with her and playing with her daughter.  Just the fact that I was somewhere else on a Saturday night was a constant reminder.

I met someone on Tinder.  I wonder if it would be healthy for me.  She messaged me yesterday.  My profile states that I’m only looking for friends and activity partners because I’m fresh out of a relationship and will not be hooking up or dating for a long time.  Her first message to me was “Commitment issues and freshly heartbroken.  My favorite.”  She’s been hurt before, and is strictly looking for a no strings attached physical relationship, and made numerous comments to me about “The best way to get over someone is to get under someone new.”  Maybe she’s right.  Maybe it would help me start feeling better and having a normal life again.  I told her I’m not normally one for a one night stand, but I asked her if she wanted to hang out.  She had to clarify with me if i meant hang out or “hang out”.  I told her I meant actually hanging out, that we can meet up somewhere if she doesn’t want to just come over my place, and that we can see what happens.  But if that’s all she wants I probably won’t turn her down.  I honestly don’t know.  I wanted my ex to be the last person that I ever get into bed with.  When she broke up with me, she told me maybe she still would be, since she wasn’t sure she was even going to be getting into something with him and might be back.  I don’t know if I should hold on, or just move on and hope I’m not with someone else when she comes around, however long that takes, if ever.  She did tell me she’d know in a couple of months if he was even moving her for her, and she wasn’t going to wait for him, but that if it’s over she’d want me back.  I’m over that part.  I’m over the fact that he was her first choice, I know I was a close second.  For whatever reason she decided she needed to do this with him, I’d still take her back.  I’m sure it would take time for me to trust her again, but I know it can be done.  My negative feelings for her subside any time I lay eyes on her.  Any fight we’ve had, as soon as I see her, it’s all roses.  It’s no different this time.

She’s been distant.  Doesn’t return my texts unless I text her about not returning my texts.  She thanked me for an invite to the party last night, and told me she was busy today.  I’ll see her Tuesday morning, I owe her money, and I know that since she’s broke and in school right now, she’d let me come over to give it to her.  A lame excuse for me to get to see her.

 

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