one step

My first step!

Alright, this doesn’t seem like a big step, but it is for me. I wanted to start a blog, I registered for one but later realized that it’s not free 😛 I cannot afford that. So, an online journal seems like a good idea. And there is this series that I’m watching called “awkward.” which actually inspired me to start writing about my day and my feelings. I could totally relate to Jenna Hamilton now, it’s really cool writing down what you feel and not being judged by it.

Sooooo here we go. I started my day by waking up at 3:45 AM because that’s when the cab driver called me. Then, I went back to sleep setting my alarm at 4:10. I was pretty tired this morning because I was thinking a lot last night. There were a lot of things going on in my mind. All about MOBIN. He left Hyderabad on Friday, I don’t know why I haven’t cried till now. I’m usually very sensitive these days when it comes to him. I cry over little things that I think don’t matter to him at all, like texting me back or saying that he’ll call me back. I just hope I’m still into him. Because not crying when he left is big sign that I don’t really care about him leaving. Or maybe it’s because I know he loves me and that I will always be a big part of his life. I don’t know what’s going on with me yet, but I sure would like to know. I’ll keep looking for the answer until I find one.

I’m at work now and kind of not interested to work. God this sucks. I want to quit soon but mom asked me to work for few more months until things settle down financially at home. Sometimes I feel so guilty for not being a good daughter. I don’t like to give money, I’m kind of selfish that way and stingy. But haven’t my parents spent a lot of money on me? I should do the same right? But why this feeling. I hate this feeling. But I guess being a parent makes you selfless. All they expect is to make them proud. And I would want to one day! I will (or atleast I really wish to). I will wrtie more a little later. Have to concentrate on work or I will fall into PIP again and I don’t want that!

Alright! I’m back. It’s 9:02 AM. I know I’ve to write the journal/diary at the end of the day but this is my first time so kinda excited to write about a lot of things. It’ll probably go on for about 10 pages if I don’t stop but that’s okay, because I’m the only one who’s going to read it after.

I’m always complaining, bitching about how hard my life is. But, when I think of it, all I can see is a life without passion or a purpose. And I’ve to say, that is really a big problem. It’s like I’m just living on the planet, an extra burden for people.

I have to think about my life, but I seem to be distracted. I’m not even thinking about Mobin or obsessing about what he is doing or why he hasn’t texted me back since last night. I couldn’t care less about it all. All I want is to write, write and write. Since my childhood, I’ve had an interest in writing but I’m not good at English. I’m a little better now but need to improve mu vocabulary. I keep on growing but I’m not sure if I can be publish novels or even write articles. But I sure want to someday. Someday……..

I’m going to write about a different topic each day, also about what’s going on in my life. Although I’m sure it’s gonna be a short paragraph 😛

I’m going to write a a new post now! Bye 🙂

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