Needing a download

So I’ve been lying in bed for awhile listening to my IPod, I’m never getting to sleep any time soon so may as well turn these thoughts into this. I was trying to process them in my head but I’m getting no where. Why do some males have to act like such arseholes in front of people? Do they think it makes them look big, strong, tough, clever?? My husbands Best Man at our wedding is someone I have always considered a close friend of mine, a godfather to our first born and someone I have always enjoyed being around. Until last night when he humiliated me in front of a group of people. This actually makes tears run down my cheeks just writing this it has actually upset me that much….I left the wedding sobbing last night when I should have layed hands on and put him on his arse. Did you know that because I didn’t start drinking straight away that I must be pregnant?! He told me I had to drink alcohol to prove I wasn’t pregnant….who does that?!?! So I ended up having 2 glasses of wine not because I wanted to but because the pressure was there…how dumb am i?! I’m not pregnant but we are trying to fall pregnant which is apparently not as easy as one would think…who knew it was so fucking difficult. It doesn’t seem to be for any female who doesn’t have a job and what’s money from the government so they don’t have to work. Now I regret doing that because I shouldn’t have given in, I should’ve stayed strong and done what I knew was right for me. I was even being watched for what I was eating and being compared to another friend who is pregnant to which she replied that I couldn’t be pregnant because I ate soft cheese. One piece of soft cheese is not going to kill you dickheads! Later in the night amongst other things he told me not to stand near him because I am always negative and he doesn’t want to be around negative people. So I gave it back to him tune with his smartarse style…apparently he didn’t like this…Husband tells me he didn’t need to step in because I had it covered and stood my ground and I thought I did at the time. So why then does this upset me so much?! This was my lowest moment for a few days and it makes me re-consider everything I’m doing. I hate that. I spent today at home not doing much which was good I managed a 3 hour sleep nap and was able to be rid of a headache this afternoon. I tried air-con and ice pack on my head which was quite relaxing…well 3 hours midday sleep is unheard of for me anyway…my tears have stopped the words of Gabrielle ‘I know I will be ok..’

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